I’ve gone through break ups in which I find myself sucking face with
someone new twelve hours after I thought my heart would be forever
broken. I’ve also had a breakup in which I still find myself crying when
I’m reminded of him through things like thunderstorms or when someone
brings up the show Downton Abby. There are few incorrect ways to respond to a breakup — although violence in any way shape or form would be one of them.
There is no right amount of time for you to grieve the ending of a
romantic connection that you had with someone. Any friend of yours who
tells you to “just over it” is an asshole and you should probably stop
returning their calls.
When a relationship ends and two people attempt to salvage the lives
they had before they became intertwined. After every break up, I will
spend weeks meticulously pulling apart my own neurosis from the traits I
picked up from being around someone else. Sometimes it’s impossible for
me to remember who I was before them. Sometimes it’s obvious to me that
I had compromised so much of myself to be their man.
In a breakup, each person wants to appear
like they came out of the relationship with the most benefits. They want
to know that they’re the one who gained more knowledge, experience, and
perspective. More importantly, they want to appear to be the one less
damaged by the fallout to those on the outside.
I always hope after a breakup the next
time I run into my ex I will look super-mega-foxy-hot with a beautiful
man on my arms. I hope I come across as happy, and fulfilled, and did I
mention hot? I think this is because I want something to show for the
relationship. I want to show how I’ve taken everything I’ve learned and
how I’ve improved.
But why is it that we need tangible things to prove that we are better
off without someone? We’ll choose to change our hair, our clothes, and
our attitudes because we want to invent a new “me” for ourselves.
What we fail to realise is that we’re sometimes doing this more for
those around us. We want to remind them that we’re doing okay. We want
our friends and acquaintances to believe that we’re loving life and
laughing more and looking better because without our ex in our life
we’re completely reborn. We want to know that we came out of the
relationship a better human being. It’s comforting to think that even
though we suffered the fights, and the crying, and the crushing
separation that we emerged more enlightened.
I sometimes wonder if it’s better to just
show other people how you’re truly feeling. After a breakup I don’t feel
like showering or working out or eating anything other than junk food.
However, I push myself to the gym, or to
get coffee with old friends, and to style my hair a new way in spite of
the pain I feel. I do these things because I feel the need to fool
others around me into thinking I’m perfectly. At least for a little
while, because eventually I will be.
Italian food (sometimes I forget how good it is!) 
