Moving To A New City!

 After University I moved to London, then to LA, then to New Zealand for a bit. Each time I’ve started completely from scratch. Without question, just moving again has been the hardest. I don’t know if it’s the culture shock of country life again or the fact that I’m “getting to old for this”, but fuck if this isn’t the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

If it’s one thing I know about moving to a new city though, is that it SUCKSBIGTIME until you find your people. Your community. I was depressed in Auckland for a whole year because I was relying too much on my partner. I didn’t make new friends or get involved in activities. On the flip side, my time in London was the best two years of my life because I had a pre-set group of friends and I was madly in love with my roommates.

Here, I live alone. I came here with no friends in the area, but in the past month I think I’ve made a decent dent. While I’m by no means part of any community yet (except my rad job), here’s how I’ve attempted to get my shit together in a new place in a short amount of time:

Friends of Friends

 Do you have a friend in the new place? or a friend who might know someone? E-introduce! I love meeting friends of friends because it automatically gives us common ground and, since they obviously like a friend, they’re always spectacular themselves. I also lucked out and have my oldest, best friend from childhood live an hour a way. While we may not have hung out for almost a decade, it’s funny how old friends so easily fall back into familiar patterns.

Twitter

The problem with living abroad was that I would read blogs, fall in love with these people from afar, and never get to go to their meet ups/conferences/events. But now I can finally reach out to blog crushes and buy them a coffee. But it's also been a great way to meet new people too! Just engage in a conversation on a topic, before you know it you're besties!

Office

I’m lucky in that everyone in my office is young and fantastic and fascinating. Since day one my coworkers have invited me to their homes for dinner, taken me to lunch and given me advice about settling in my new city.

Say Yes

When you’re settled in a city you know well, it’s easy to say no to a spontaneous opportunity because you want to get home to your cat. Or do your washing. Or get to bed on time. But when you’re new to a place, saying no means you’ve denied yourself a chance to make friends. So I’ve made it my mission since arriving here to say yes to every invitation that comes my way. Want to play iPhone games at friend of a friend friend’s apartment? Why not? Take a yoga class in a cathedral after work? Don’t mind if I do. Attend walking tour of the city then say yes to the tour guide when he invites you to a pirate-themed bar? Of course.

I’m still getting my sea-legs and even though I’ve been out every single night for the past 14, I still haven’t found my people. And for that, I’m going to cut myself some slack and stay in tonight and watch The Office until my eyes bleed.

Thanks to Natalia for this post!

Do you have any tips for moving?

7 Stages Of A Break Up!

Breaking up is hard to do. Much like the passing away of a loved one, breakups have stages of grief. Here's an outline of the breakup process -- and how to get through it. 

Breaking up isn't as hard to do if you understand that everything that is happening to your heart, your mind and your body is totally normal. That's right: Consuming endless bowls of ice cream one day and being disgusted by the sight of food the next is normal under the circumstances. It is also normal to want to slash your ex's tires and want him back all at the same time.

What isn't normal, though, is to stay stuck in your confused, lonely or sad state. Breakups have stages of grief, as outlined below. These breakup stages may not be in order for you, and there is no telling how long you will stay in each one, but consider progress of any kind positive. Be gentle with yourself during a breakup, and don't stop reminding yourself that, no matter how dark the day, you will get through this.

1. Shock: "What the hell just happened?"

Shock is the body's natural protection against pain. And when your relationship first ends, you just might not want to deal with what's coming next. It may be too scary, too lonely, too confusing. A state of disbelief could last minutes, weeks or even months and likely lasts longer if you are on the receiving end of an unexpected breakup. Don't be surprised if you feel a sense of blurriness about the actual breakup scene, a literal loss of breath, or trouble sleeping.

Do/Do not:

• Do prescribe yourself calming cures like meditation or long walks.
• Do not freak out. You will make sense of all of this!

2. Denial: "This is so not happening."

Denial is rejection of reality and a storage of feelings. The thinking is that, if you don't accept the heartbreak, then it didn't really happen, thus leaving hope for reunion. During this stage of a breakup it is common to call, email or even Facebook-stalk -- anything that feels remotely "normal" about the relationship -- in an effort to put dealing with the heartbreak on hold.

Do/Do not:

• Do open up to a journal or trusted friend to begin unleashing fears, identifying unreasonable thoughts and more.
• Do not minimise the situation. Pretending your breakup doesn't have to be dealt with will lead to emotional numbness and leave you stuck.

3. Isolation: "I just want to sit in this all by myself."

Once you've recognized the breakup, you get into the dirty work: Dealing with the dissolution of the relationship. You may replay the relationship over and over in your mind, trying to pinpoint where it fell apart and how it could have been saved. Your thoughts may feel very scattered and disorganised. This stage of grief has you in withdrawal; you don't even feel like updating your social media status or checking your voicemails. You may draw your blinds and not even want to leave the house. Sitting in silence, darkness or a bucket of ice cream feels better than going outside and admitting to the world that, yes, it's over.

Do/Do not:

• Do take regular showers and create reasons to face the day (work, social activities).
• Do not indulge in self-pity by letting irrational thoughts like "No one will ever love me again" take over.

4. Anger: "I hate you for breaking my heart!"

In this stage, your heart goes from sad to raging mad. It becomes fuelled with anger towards your ex for whatever his part in the breakup was, and/or toward yourself for your part. During this stage of breakup, you may find yourself burning pictures of him, holding his stuff hostage, slandering him to his friends or worse. If you are angry with yourself, you may do a lot of self-talk -- regretful thoughts and angry conversation with yourself. The deeper desire here is often to place blame.

Do/Do not:

• Do feel, write or talk about your anger.
• Do not act on it.

5. Bargaining: "What will it take to get him back?"

Sometimes involving begging, this stage is often about getting your ex back, but other times, it is about absolving your own guilt if you did something wrong that caused the breakup. Desperate to negotiate with yourself or your ex, you may go to extreme measures to make deals or become something else (thinner, less jealous, etc.) to make amends -- when in truth, it is just about making the current pain go away.

Do/Do not:

• Do create a self-love list complete with what makes you happy and things you want for your future.
• Do not include wanting your ex back in the above list!

6. Depression: "I will never get over him."

You realise the magnitude of your loss in this stage of grief, and it can feel all too overwhelming. You may wind up in a state of deep sadness that can even resemble mild depression. At this point, recalling what your life was like prior to your relationship or what it could be like now can be hard. Just getting out of bed feels difficult, and you may even feel physical aches and pains perpetuated by deep feelings of hopelessness, helplessness and sadness.

Do/Do not:

• Do surround yourself with positive people and lots of sunshine.
• Do not fall victim to unhealthy behaviours such as binge eating or drinking.

7. Acceptance: "I understand why I was with him, why I'm not now, and that I will be better than just OK."

The acceptance stage of a breakup makes all the other really tough ones worth it. This is the one that finally gives you that welcome sense of exhalation. You come to realise what the past meant and what the future can hold. The sun begins to shine, and you begin to feel like yourself again, ready to move onward and upward.

Do/Do not:

• Do celebrate getting through your breakup.
• Do not be surprised if you still feel moments of sadness from time to time; it's normal. Just keep on your positive path!

Do you have any breakup tips?

Simple Things To Make You Happy!

Comfort food.

I put this one first for a reason, and that reason is that comfort food is one of the most basic components of being a happy, well-adjusted human. There is no meeting so soul-suckingly boring that a little pizza won’t make you go out of your way to attend it. There is no emotional wound that cannot be at least temporarily patched up with some hot, crispy chicken nuggets and fries with ranch and honey mustard sauce. 

2. Clean sheets.

Man, you just feel gross as shit when you’re on grimy sheets. You feel like a sentient ball of pond scum, temporarily inhabiting a vaguely moist hell that used to resemble your bedroom. It feels like your whole life is falling apart, and the second you change them to those fresh, fluffy, cool-and-warm-at-the-same-time new sheets, everything is back where it should be. You sleep like an angel on a cloud of success. 

3. A breeze.

If there is one state of affairs that reminds us just how completely our overall dispositions depend on our atmospheric surroundings, it is being trapped somewhere that is hot as hell and getting nary a breeze to cool your fevered brow. 

4. A hot shower.

Hot showers, especially when you’re achy or dirty, feel like getting kissed all over your body by a thousand tiny Ryan Goslings. It’s being baptised by the Cleanliness Gods in your own home , and it is an irreplaceable necessity to happiness. 

5. Alone time.

All of the thrilling social activities in the world mean absolutely nothing if you can’t punctuate them with some nice time to just unwind, watch your weird-ass “me time” videos on YouTube, and be a total slob in your underwear.

6. Someone who remembers with you.

You need at least one person to discuss your memories, your experiences, and the person you used to be with. If you don’t have anyone who also remembers certain periods in your life, it can start to feel as though they never happened at all (or that they don’t count). But when you start wandering down memory lane hand-in-hand with someone, it is the emotional equivalent of someone bringing out a surprise ice cream cake and two enormous spoons. You get to just feel all the warm fuzzies, and make each other remember stuff, and giggle over inside jokes. It’s the best.

7. A nice wake-up.

For some of us, including myself, mornings will never be that nice. But if you don’t at least get a few minutes to groggily look at your phone, put something resembling food in your body, and get a little coffee or tea, your day is doomed. When you wake up in an incoherent panic and you have to run out the door wearing the first thing that wasn’t stained with the blood of your enemies, you know that you are just going to feel a little bit like shit all day long. 

8. Good internet.

Having something to do on the internet and watching in agony as each page takes a full 30 seconds to load is amongst the most visceral frustrations we can experience. It’s the kind of thing to make you rip your laptop off its cord and throw it against the wall because you would rather do all of your communication by carrier pigeon from now on. 

9. Purchases that are just for you.

Come on, you need to get something for yourself every now and again. If you don’t occasionally treat yourself to a bag of bulk sweets, or a new asos dress that appears to be made out of clin film and recycled cardboard, or a movie for one in the middle of a Saturday afternoon, what is life about?

10. A comfy sweater.

There is no feeling that makes you feel more safe, more comfortable, more deliciously warm and cosy than pulling a sweater around you, over your palms and up onto your neck, until you are less a human being and more an anthropomorphic ball of wool. It’s like being hugged by your clothes. 

11. At least one person who just gets it.

Whether it’s the friend who doesn’t need any social issues explained to them (and who will never make horribly oppressive jokes because they don’t believe in being “PC”), or the person who is just as obsessed with that one book/show/movie/band as you are and does not matter one bit if you want to talk about it for an entire five-hour hangout session, we all need the person who “gets it.” You don’t need a group of them, you just need the one, and your sanity will be intact. Without them, you will begin to slowly question whether or not your entire reality is a figment of your imagination. Your happiness is always reinforced by their existence.

 

What keeps you happy?

Ways To Feel Lighter!

There are definitely days when I wake up not feeling my best. It may be that I’m extra tired, and just can’t seem to find the energy to start the day, or it’s that feeling of being weighed down. Often times caused from a heavy meal the night before, water retention, or simply because the body might not be up to feeling the right way. When we feel light, we feel good – about ourselves and the day in front of us. Feeling heavy and bloated is a quick way to send all self confidence out the door, and is also a reason for being lazy or procrastinating. Luckily, there are a few things you can do – in the morning and afternoon – to get you feeling lighter and better by night fall and into the following day.

Hydrate 

Your body retains water when you’re not supplying it with enough, causing it to bloat. Being aware of how hydrated you are throughout the day is the easiest way to start feeling lighter. I always try to drink a big glass right when I wake up in  the morning. The cold chill helps to wake me up, and I’ve realized that I’m more prone to drink it throughout the day if I immediately start in the morning. Water also helps to flush out the bad toxins and salt in our body which sometimes gives us that extra “puffy” feeling.

Add Some Lemon

If you want to go the extra step, add fresh lemon into your water, but make sure the water is hot! Hot lemon water helps to kick start your digestive system. Drinking a cup of this in the morning can help settle the stomach if you went to bed with a full tummy!

No Gum! 
If you think about it, every time you open and close your mouth in the process of chewing a piece of gum, you’re swallowing unnecessary air into the stomach. It sits in your gut, not moving anywhere which can make us feel heavier.  Gum also contains sugar alcohol, which causes bloating.

Snack The Right Way and Slow Down

Picking the right kind of foods to snack on is ideal when it comes to feeling lighter. Fibre rich foods, like avocados, raspberries, and quinoa are great to snack on. Quinoa specifically contains fibre that gets rid of unneeded fats and helps speed up the digestion process. And always remember to eat slowly, and allow time for your body to realise if it’s full or not! This helps to avoid overeating.

Exercise Early

Getting a work out in before the daily grind is one of my favourite things to do. Yes, I always have a hard time waking up a bit earlier to fit one in, but it feels so good to get it out of the way. Sweating out toxins early can help us feel lighter throughout the day, and getting your heart rate up in the morning can fight off grogginess! Knowing that you accomplished a hard physical activity that early in the morning is also a great mental start to the day.

11 Little Things To Make You Happy!

1. Comfort food.

I put this one first for a reason, and that reason is that comfort food is one of the most basic components of being a happy, well-adjusted human. There is no meeting so soul-suckingly boring that a little pizza won’t make you go out of your way to attend it. There is no emotional wound that cannot be at least temporarily patched up with some hot, crispy chicken nuggets and fries with ranch and honey mustard sauces. . Comfort food has leveled up as high as possible in the Healer Class, and we should respect it. 

2. Clean sheets.

Man, you just feel gross as shit when you’re on grimy sheets. You feel like a sentient ball of pond scum, temporarily inhabiting a vaguely moist hell that used to resemble your bedroom. It feels like your whole life is falling apart, and the second you change them to those fresh, fluffy, cool-and-warm-at-the-same-time new sheets, everything is back where it should be. You sleep like an angel on a cloud of success. 

3. A breeze.

If there is one state of affairs that reminds us just how completely our overall dispositions depend on our atmospheric surroundings, it is being trapped somewhere that is hot as hell and getting a breeze to cool your fevered brow. 

4. A hot shower.

Hot showers, especially when you’re achy or dirty, feel like getting kissed all over your body by a thousand tiny Ryan Goslings. It’s being baptized by the Cleanliness Gods in your own home, and it is an irreplaceable necessity to happiness. 

5. Alone time.

All of the thrilling social activities in the world mean absolutely nothing if you can’t punctuate them with some nice time to just unwind, watch your weird-ass “me time” videos on YouTube, and be a total slob in your underwear.

6. Someone who remembers with you.

You need at least one person to discuss your memories, your experiences, and the person you used to be with. If you don’t have anyone who also remembers certain periods in your life, it can start to feel as though they never happened at all (or that they don’t count). But when you start wandering down memory lane hand-in-hand with someone, it is the emotional equivalent of someone bringing out a surprise ice cream cake and two enormous spoons. You get to just feel all the warm fuzzies, and make each other remember stuff, and giggle over inside jokes. It’s the best.

7. A nice wake-up.

For some of us, including myself, mornings will never be that nice. But if you don’t at least get a few minutes to groggily look at your phone, put something resembling food in your body, and get a little coffee or tea, your day is doomed. When you wake up in an incoherent panic and you have to run out the door wearing the first thing that wasn’t stained with the blood of your enemies, you know that you are just going to feel a little bit like shit all day long. 

8. Good internet.

Having something to do on the internet and watching in agony as each page takes a full 30 seconds to load is amongst the most visceral frustrations we can experience. It’s the kind of thing to make you rip your laptop off its cord and throw it against the wall because you would rather do all of your communication by carrier pigeon from now on.

9. Purchases that are just for you.

Come on, you need to get something for yourself every now and again. If you don’t occasionally treat yourself to a bag of bulk chocolate, or a new Primark dress that appears to be made out recycled cardboard, or a movie for one in the middle of a Saturday afternoon, what is life about?

 

10. A comfy sweater.

There is no feeling that makes you feel more safe, more comfortable, more deliciously warm and cozy than pulling a sweater around you, over your palms and up onto your neck, until you are less a human being and more an anthropomorphic ball of wool. It’s like being hugged by your clothes.

Whether it’s the friend who doesn’t need any social issues explained to them (and who will never make horribly oppressive jokes because they don’t believe in being “PC”), or the person who is just as obsessed with that one book/show/movie/band as you are and does not matter one bit if you want to talk about it for an entire five-hour hangout session, we all need the person who “gets it.” You don’t need a group of them, you just need the one, and your sanity will be intact. Without them, you will begin to slowly question whether or not your entire reality is a figment of your imagination. Your happiness is always reinforced by their existence.

Things To Do This Summer!

Go to the beach, duh! Beaches and summer go together like carrots and peas; you really can’t have one without the other. Spend a day frolicking in the ocean and laying in the sand with a mindless book. (I suggest Most Talkative, Andy Cohen’s light and ultimately forgettable memoir, if only for the embarrassing “I’m gay in the 80s!” photos.) Let the sun delete five years off of your life and leave feeling relaxed!

Get day drunk with your friends on a lazy Sunday. Drink sangria like it’s water and then go shopping. Purchase the most random crap ever before passing out on your couch at 5 p.m. Wake up and wonder why you purchased a 20 pound candle. 

Go to a concert. I know, I know, concerts in the summertime can be a complete clusterf-ck that’ll have you running for your anti-anxiety meds due to heat and people but on a rare occasion, they can actually be quite delightful.

Call in sick to work to go to the park all day by yourself and read magazines and listen to music. 

isten to as much top 40 pop songs as humanly possible. Maybe even reunite with Ashanti and The Murder Inc. era.

Go swimming in a pool! Seriously, go find someone who has a pool and offer them your money and friendship in exchange for a full day of lounging and swimming.

 Throw a BBQ for all of your friends, or if you can’t cook/have a grill, make someone else do it.

 Go on an internet hiatus. The internet is so boring in the summertime. Real life is exponentially better.

 Go to a free event. There is so much free stuff to do in the summer. Winter = we’re annoyed that it’s cold out so we’re going to charge for everything. Summer = OMG, we’re so laidback! Come hang at our cool event for free!

Make a conscious effort to be happy. After all, you can always be miserable in the winter!

Have one insane night of debauchery. Not The Hangover status. More like Marie Antoinette “I’m hanging out in a mansion, drinking champagne'

 Eat healthy. Salads only taste good in 95-degree heat so you might as well eat them now before you start craving comfort food again.

How about you?