Why You Should Be Selish!

Selfishness is never an attractive quality. Whether it’s a room full of toddlers fighting over the same toy or a friend who dumps you for her new boyfriend, selfishness is repulsive… or is it?

Sure, the word selfish has negative connotations, but today I want to encourage you to remember that it’s not always a bad thing to look out for number one… and especially so when you’re trying to run your own business.

David Allen, a work/life management system guru and author of ‘Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity’ once said “You can do anything, but not everything”. So often when we’re working for ourselves we want to be the biggest, the best, the most popular, the most sought after… we don’t want to be left behind, we want to get all the best clients, we want to win the awards and be recognised for what we do… and that’s great, but what does this mentality make us do? Take on too much and try to do it all, that’s what!

This doesn’t benefit anyone and taking this chaotic approach will not only dilute your product and the service you offer your clients (you can’t physically give the same level of service to 100 clients as you can if you only had 1) Cutting down commitments and allowing yourself to focus on a few things, and do them really well, is paramount to success.

You know the drill. It’s 9am Monday morning. You log in to your computer and you have 75 new emails. Your phone rings. It’s a client with an ‘urgent’ enquiry about her order. You have to pop to the post office to ship orders.. You have a meeting at 3pm with a potential new client… which, oh yes, has to be done by you… and definitely in person. You miss lunch, you’re late picking the kids up from school (again) and you forgot to pick something up for dinner. You’re overworked, over-commited and overwhelmed. ARRGH!

According to Allen, this is one of the biggest ‘silent traumas’ of workers everywhere. Plus, it’s got to be a million times worse for someone running their own business, where everything you do has consequences to how much money you have to feed your family. “We inhabit a world,” he says, “where there are no edges to our jobs and no limit to the potential information that can help us do our jobs better”. What’s more, in a highly competitive market like the fashion industry, that’s continually being reshaped by the internet, we’re even more tempted to take on more than we can physically handle to stay ahead of the curve. So how on earth do we know when to stay enough is enough!?

I’ve had a few people email me recently asking about how I manage my time. While, sure, I’m a busy bee, I am not always running to keep up with myself. I have time off. I watch crap TV. I go out for dinner. I have regular nights out with my friends. I go shopping. I take day trips to London. How? Well it’s actually quite simple. I’m streamlined, I’m strict with myself and I turn things down regularly. I’m totally selfish with my time.

Allen agrees, and argues that the real challenge is not managing your time but managing your focus. “If you get too wrapped up in all of the stuff coming at you, you lose your ability to respond appropriately and effectively”, he explains. “Remember, you’re the one who creates speed, because you’re the one who allows stuff to enter your life.”

 After I’d been in fashion and styling for a few years, external (and granted, at the time, very exciting) offers started to come in. “We’d love you to write a column for our magazine…erm…no sorry we can’t pay you but it will be great publicity for you!”, “Oh we’d love for you to come as a special guest to our event… we’d love you to take photos and write a report on this and this. Hey, you could even do a talk if you liked. No, we can’t pay you, but it would be great for all of us!”, “I’d love to have an advert on your site… How does a £50 voucher and a free pair of shoes sound?”

And no, I’m not making any of those up. And yes, at the time I accepted all these offers with an excited glee and a thrill to get started on my ‘exciting new project’. In time I realised the unpaid magazine articles were actually taking me at least a day to write, often more with the emails flying back and forth and last minute changes to briefs and deadlines. The ‘free exposure’ I was getting from attending swanky events was reaching a smaller number of people and no new work was coming in.

Cutting down my commitments (and erm… putting my styling prices up massively!) was paramount to how I progressed my business over the years. I worked with less people, I earnt more per project and I havd more time to focus my energy on the things that mattered to me and my business. The people who would pay for my time and services were the ones I really wanted to be working with… not just because they paid my bills, but because they really valued what I did and they wanted to work with me over anybody else. I’m never going to apologise for what I charged because I know I did a bloody good job for the people that choose to work with me.

I’ve let go of the guilt of saying no to people (which gets much easier to do when you realise how huge the benefits are). By turning down things I’ve been able to really knuckle down and focus on the things I want to do for my business… I started Wonderland with a few items in my spare bedroom, and now we are in the midst of launching our own in house line! 

I’m not saying you should never work for free and I’m certainly not saying you shouldn’t help other people. Especially when you’re first starting out, collaborations or working for exposure can be hugely beneficial, and helping someone with something for no other reason than to be selfless can, and usually will, come back and reward you in the long term.

But I ask you, what have you done to be selfish recently?

Ways To Feel Lighter!

There are definitely days when I wake up not feeling my best. It may be that I’m extra tired, and just can’t seem to find the energy to start the day, or it’s that feeling of being weighed down. Often times caused from a heavy meal the night before, water retention, or simply because the body might not be up to feeling the right way. When we feel light, we feel good – about ourselves and the day in front of us. Feeling heavy and bloated is a quick way to send all self confidence out the door, and is also a reason for being lazy or procrastinating. Luckily, there are a few things you can do – in the morning and afternoon – to get you feeling lighter and better by night fall and into the following day.

Hydrate 

Your body retains water when you’re not supplying it with enough, causing it to bloat. Being aware of how hydrated you are throughout the day is the easiest way to start feeling lighter. I always try to drink a big glass right when I wake up in  the morning. The cold chill helps to wake me up, and I’ve realized that I’m more prone to drink it throughout the day if I immediately start in the morning. Water also helps to flush out the bad toxins and salt in our body which sometimes gives us that extra “puffy” feeling.

Add Some Lemon

If you want to go the extra step, add fresh lemon into your water, but make sure the water is hot! Hot lemon water helps to kick start your digestive system. Drinking a cup of this in the morning can help settle the stomach if you went to bed with a full tummy!

No Gum! 
If you think about it, every time you open and close your mouth in the process of chewing a piece of gum, you’re swallowing unnecessary air into the stomach. It sits in your gut, not moving anywhere which can make us feel heavier.  Gum also contains sugar alcohol, which causes bloating.

Snack The Right Way and Slow Down

Picking the right kind of foods to snack on is ideal when it comes to feeling lighter. Fibre rich foods, like avocados, raspberries, and quinoa are great to snack on. Quinoa specifically contains fibre that gets rid of unneeded fats and helps speed up the digestion process. And always remember to eat slowly, and allow time for your body to realise if it’s full or not! This helps to avoid overeating.

Exercise Early

Getting a work out in before the daily grind is one of my favourite things to do. Yes, I always have a hard time waking up a bit earlier to fit one in, but it feels so good to get it out of the way. Sweating out toxins early can help us feel lighter throughout the day, and getting your heart rate up in the morning can fight off grogginess! Knowing that you accomplished a hard physical activity that early in the morning is also a great mental start to the day.

Gratituesday: We Are Back!

So recently I have been managing social media talent, a long side running Wonderland Clothing - as much as from August to Jan I enjoyed it, I realised I had to make a change and pick one or the other...and Wonderland I have picked! So expect a lot more content, a lot more stock coming in, and a lot more moving forward!

As grateful as I am to my time working with influencers, it's just not for me. I have made some amazing friends through it but it's time to go back to MY baby! Wonderland

So let's crack on with Gratituesday! 

(For the benefit of those of you who are new to thewonderlanders.com (HELLO!), here’s an introduction to Gratituesday, it  is a place where we share lists of the things which are making us happy this week. While the premise is simple, the impact is deep. It helps to shift your thinking towards positivity, it makes you more aware of your blessings and is a time to reflect on all the wonderful things in your life.

Lets go! 

The feeling of Spring in the air, and going for woodland adventures!

 Talented folks!

Donuts, always 

 All things shiny!

Pizza!

 Roller Skating!

More shiny! 

Little Things...

New friends Juice Cleanses Two hour conversations in the middle of the afternoon with friends Making plans New stock Wonderland being back on point Long walks with great play-lists Best and oldest friends being amazing Right decisions Baths Sunshine! Daffodils Mexican Foods The craft     Bubbles 

I want to hear the best parts of your week… So please indulge me!

How to Pick the Perfect Houseplant!

I used to think that caring for plants was simple. Put it in a pot, give it some water and that was it. My Mum loved gardening, still does and would spend hours in the garden, creating and landscaping.

Given my exposure to plants, one would think I’d be a bit of a green thumb. Disappointingly, I’m quite the opposite. You give me a plant to look after, and I’ll find a way to kill it. So far I’ve killed an aloe AND a cactus, which makes me so sad to even think about it. I mean, who knew that you had to take into consideration not only the amount of sunlight a plant needs, but also the different types of sunlight. Combine that with soil, water and fertilizer, and it’s safe to say whatever plants are left in my apartment have literally been living on the edge for quite some time.

I love the calming energy that plants bring to my home. The greenery reminds me of my Mum and how she used to speak to her plants while gardening. I name all of my plants. So I spoke to my mum about getting some tips!

 

Consider your schedule
If you are often out of town, choose plants that can survive a few weeks without watering, like jade or rubber plants, mini-geraniums, golden pathos, or any kind of philodendron.

Think about lighting
Think about where your plants will reside, and then pick those types that will best thrive in those conditions. Each plant has different needs, so research whether a plant needs high, medium or low light.

Take humidity into consideration
If you live in a dry climate, avoid houseplants that require high air-moisture levels unless you plan to put them in a room that’s often humid, like the bathroom. Tropical plants like Pink Sunburst cannas, caladiums, and lantanas need humidity; succulents and cacti are desert plants that thrive in dry air.

Go with hearty plants
Find your green thumb more easily by choosing heartier plant varieties like ZZ palms, wave petunias, dragon trees, ivy, and crotons. If you manage to kill those, switch to silk plants!

Do have any house plants? 

Pack Like A Pro!

Packing has become an art for. Whether going on a short trip or long journey, you don't want to find yourself with 'nothing to wear'. Avoid packing too much and bring things that are interchangeable. For example, with each pair of trousers you should have three tops that work.  It's good to add layered outfits so you can add or take away, as no one can ever really predict the weather. 

 

Never pack too little. Always bring a jacket, even if you're going to a warm place, you don't want to get stuck in the cold when the sun goes in. 

Avoid bringing too many shoes - easier said than done - but they bulky to pack. Try to plan outfits around two pairs, plus the ones you're travelling in, which should be the ones that are least easy to pack, say your biker boots. Be versatile. Also stuff the toes of heels with tissue paper, scarves or rolled up tights so that they keep their shape in the case. 

 

Accessories are key for the traveller. They are small, and a great way to change and modify  your looks (belts, jewellery,  and scarves all pack well) Dresses are also great travel items as you can roll then into your case, and they are whole look in one. 

 It is always good to have one dressy look, just in case you end up somewhere fancy. Lastly, a great pashmina or shawl is a must have. It is as stylish as it is adaptable, from wrapping round you on a plane, to draping over your shoulders in the evening. 

Do you have any packing tips?

How To Rebuff Unwanted Advances

Obviously when you're young and beautiful, and magnetic you're going to receive unwanted advances.  Bizarrely often the less attention you pay someone the more persistent they become.

A swift sharp rebuff MUST come sooner rather than later.
Never make fun of a love struck fool because one day it might be you.
Treat as you wish to be treated, and never date out of sympathy.
Tempting as it is to keep your options open, don't give false hope, and don't be a tease. 

Hard as it is, you have to be honest. There is no nice way to let someone down. 'Lets just be friends' or 'I value our friendship too much to have a relationship with you' are cowardly, inexcusable and, frankly, insulting. Unless you mean it, and then you have to be cruel to be kind. 

Always do the deed face to face, or if they are likely to be completely hysterical and irrational, on the telephone. Talk it through. Dumping someone via text or email is pathetic. 

The direct approach is defiantly favoured by Vivienne Westwood. Bella Freud witnessed her classy rebuff. In a club a man who used to hold a torch for Vivienne came bounding over, but she just lifted her arms in the air and drew a circle around herself. When asked what she was doing, she replied 'I am rubbing you out, Sir' 

Remember: From Jane Austen to When Harry Met Sally, the fact that men and women cannot simply 'be friends', has been amply illustrated. 

Reasons Not To Live With Your Best Friends

Source

Living with your best gal pals always seems like a freakin’ fantastic idea.

I remember signing my first lease and daydreaming about my girlfriends and I setting up our place, cooking great meals, drinking way too much wine and having pillow fights for our own damn good. Looking back on these daydreams, I seemed to have forgotten that we all had different schedules, different goals and pillow fights were not on the cards. 

In the end, even though the IDEA of living with great friends may seem like the right choice, think long and hard about the friendships that are worth keeping.

 

Your friends may come with emotional baggage

 The ability to be not only a friend, but a good friend, is important to sustain a meaningful friendship. If you or your roommates have some sort of problem that requires support from close friends, living with someone who needs that support can hinder relationships. Offering constant advice and being someone’s emotional crutch can be exhausting, especially when your first priority is taking care of yourself. Offering advice and support from a distance can be more helpful and encourage the person to problem solve on their own. This means that you can be a good friend and at the same time, be a useful source of advice without feeling overwhelmed.

Someone likes alcohol a little too much

We all party hard at Uni (well most) Sure that’s fun on the weekends or once and awhile, but there always seems to be a booze-hound in the house. Ok, these gatherings can be pretty fun, but how often do you really want to deal with the dirty aftermath of these events? The stench of booze-laden breath in class the next morning is only socially acceptable so many times. Make sure your gal pals have similar attitudes around drinking/partying or make sure you have strong enough willpower to do what you need to. This mindset comes with the complimentary title of house party-pooper.

They don’t have the same vengeful attitude as you do when it comes to a dirty kitchen (or any house common area)

So many of my past roommate conflicts have come from dirty common areas. Take, for example, the kitchen and dirty dishes. Who used what mug or who left their shit on the stove doesn’t really matter if, in the end, the dishes get cleaned. Just do your dishes when you’re finished using them (instead of leaving them to crust over and harbor bacteria in the sink). Doesn’t this seem like simple, common sense knowledge? I think so, too.

*Note: If you know, for a fact, that somebody is not cleaning their dishware (and you are looking to stir the pot hehe!) make a trail of dirty dishes from the sink to their bedroom. I cannot speak from experience but I hear this tactic is quite effective.

You have the same schedules

Hanging out with good friends is great, but hanging out with good friends in class, during your free time, during your meal times, and right before bed can be tolerable at most. Just like unlimited drunk pizza, your friends can be too much of a good thing. Take the personal time you need if your roommates become overwhelming…or just live with people who have different interests and never wanted to hang out with you in the first place.

Somebody has a pet

Any household with a pet can cause roommate conflict. If the owner is not taking full responsibility of their animal, I can guarantee somebody is not going to be happy. If you’re already having issues with your live-in friends, don’t drag a poor dog or cat into the mix. Animals can sense emotion from the people around them. Who wants a stressed out pooch/kitty/ferret/chinchilla/etc.? Not me.

They have significant others

This is a big one. You may not think that your roommates significant others should affect your feelings towards your roommate. Believe me, they will. Significant others tend to linger around the house and stay just a tiny bit over their welcome. This, of course, is brushed under the rug for a bit because it seems temporary. But, when this significant other starts using the cable/dishes/food/electricity/internet/washer/dryer and isn’t paying a penny, there’s a definite problem. It is obnoxious, it is impolite, and you will end up hating your roommate when she gets defensive after you bring up the obvious problems with her boyfriend hanging around 24/7. Plus, you have to deal with her significant other eating the majority of your snack food and leaving the toilet seat up (not cool).

 

You and your friends ‘split groceries’

Since you all get along so well anyways (I mean you’re such great friends), why not split groceries to make everything a bit easier? This never, ever works. Either someone’s going to get drunk and eat too many pizza slices or there will be some type of feud over who ate the last slice of bread. To outsiders, these examples seem minimal and harmless, but harboring ill will towards a roommate who you think took more than their fair share can be unhealthy and catty. Skip the drama and buy your own grub.

You are the responsible one who pays all the bills

Being in charge of monthly payments can be a bitch. Everyone is poor in Uni anyways and nobody wants the task of haggling money out of each roommate when a payment is looming. It’s harder to press people you like for money versus someone you could care less about. You never want bill paying to become anything more than a mere transaction. I would avoid being in charge of this task (it really sucks).

One final piece of advice: Do NOT use a dry-erase board for communication purposes. There is nothing more obnoxious than passive-aggressiveness. Just voice your opinion whenever there is an issue (especially if it effects more than just you). Don’t write it with an excessive amount of exclamation points or evil emoticons. This can make people feel slighted and crappy. 

 

Have you had better luck with friends?