Reasons Why Girls Don't Reply!

When it comes to dating, sometimes girls don't reply or guys for that matter. So when my male friend asked me why this girl didn't reply I asked if he had done any of the following - all of which to my friends and I are immediate 'erm no' 

You said hi. And that’s it.

You’re soliciting me for group sex.

You asked me to marry you.

You said something sexist. 

You told me how gorgeous/beautiful/sexy I am in the first sentence.

You addressed me as Hey Gorgeous/Beautiful/Sexy.

You told me you love [insert body part here].

You asked what I’m wearing right now.

You mentioned that you’ve had a little too much to drink tonight.

You told me I must be a freaky girl because I’m a (Your hair colour) and ALL (your hair colour) are kinky.

You made a “Call Me Maybe” reference.

You asked if I would be into something “casual.”

You spelled “cool” with a K.

You said you have nothing interesting to say.

You told me not to be intimidated by you.

You used the wrong form of “you’re.”

You saw that I have a cat and asked if you could “pet my pussy.”

You said I’m out of your league.

You’re under the age of 21.

You used a million punctuation marks!!!!!!!!!!!!

You said you were hoping I had a large porn collection.

I’m allowed to be a little shallow and, to be honest, I’m just not physically attracted to you.

What makes you instantly be like no?

Distract Yourself When Waiting For A Call!

Over the past ten-ish years, I have spent more time than I’d like to admit waiting for some guy I was dating (or wanted to date) to call or text me back. I know I’m not alone. Most women are all too familiar with hoping a guy will call, wondering if he will and worrying that he’s just going to vanish because he wasn’t really interested in the first place. Which is to say, waiting for a guy to call is a special type of hell, right?  One guy I dated used to go weeks in between phone calls or texts, only to seem baffled when I was less than enthused to finally hear from him when he’d magically reappear.

Since you’re way too awesome and hot to stare at your phone all day, here are 20 semi-productive things you can do while waiting for a guy to call.

Send a text message to your best friend or your mum. Someone who would never dare ignore you!

Write down ten things about yourself, inside and out, that you love. Yes, it’s cheesy–but I bet you feel better after.

Take some ridiculous yet oh so HOT selfies.  

Change into workout clothes and think about going for a run, to the gym or just dancing around your house. Bonus points if you actually do it, but no pressure, seriously. It’s the thought that counts!

Do a quick purge of your Facebook friends. Do you really need to know what 1200 people ate for dinner?

 Turn your phone off! It’s not the boss of you.

Pour yourself a drink. Repeat. Cheers!

Go on a date with someone else. Distract yourself with someone else!

Makeout with someone else. Quite the distraction.

Pick the one task on your to-do list that you’ve been putting off the longest, and DO IT. You will feel amazing after, whether your phone is ringing or not.

 One word: Vibrator. Who needs a guy anyway?

Stay busy. Accept every happy hour, blind date or dinner invitation that comes your way and throw yourself into your job.

Go to sleep early. Not because you’re depressed, but because sleep is awesome.

Scroll through his past text messages…and then delete them.  

Banish anxiety. Whether you take a bubble bath, meditate or talk to a friend, try not to freak out. You can’t control if he calls or not, but you can control how you handle it either way.

Get lost in your Netflix queue for a while. New OITNB, anyone?

Find a cute puppy or child to play with. Kids and puppies have a way of reminding us to live in the moment. See also-Adorable!

Treat yourself to your favourite indulgent food. It is virtually impossible to worry about some dude when you have all your favourite foods.

Lightly internet stalk him. Just a little bit and proceed with caution! This one can backfire, but you might find yourself reading the inane or annoying status updates he’s posted or selfies and over emoji use and realise that you’re not really that interested in him, after-all. Of course, you might end up liking him more, but hey, 50/50.

What is your favorite way to distract yourself while waiting to hear from a guy?
 

How To Rebuff Unwanted Advances

Obviously when you're young and beautiful, and magnetic you're going to receive unwanted advances.  Bizarrely often the less attention you pay someone the more persistent they become.

A swift sharp rebuff MUST come sooner rather than later.
Never make fun of a love struck fool because one day it might be you.
Treat as you wish to be treated, and never date out of sympathy.
Tempting as it is to keep your options open, don't give false hope, and don't be a tease. 

Hard as it is, you have to be honest. There is no nice way to let someone down. 'Lets just be friends' or 'I value our friendship too much to have a relationship with you' are cowardly, inexcusable and, frankly, insulting. Unless you mean it, and then you have to be cruel to be kind. 

Always do the deed face to face, or if they are likely to be completely hysterical and irrational, on the telephone. Talk it through. Dumping someone via text or email is pathetic. 

The direct approach is defiantly favoured by Vivienne Westwood. Bella Freud witnessed her classy rebuff. In a club a man who used to hold a torch for Vivienne came bounding over, but she just lifted her arms in the air and drew a circle around herself. When asked what she was doing, she replied 'I am rubbing you out, Sir' 

Remember: From Jane Austen to When Harry Met Sally, the fact that men and women cannot simply 'be friends', has been amply illustrated. 

He Loves You Not

He has a girlfriend. And that girlfriend is not you.

There are certain things that we don’t really question in life: red light means stop, Coachella is hella overrated, One Direction fans are bat shit mental and so on.  But for some reason, when we really like someone, we question the shit out of their relationship status, even when it’s right there out in the open. Social media doesn’t lie; Man of your dreams is IN A RELATIONSHIP with some stupid girl who doesn’t even look THAT pretty in her profile picture…

 

 

Bottom line: sitting around, pining and day dreaming of the day he confesses that his girlfriend is in fact some sort of cover up story because he’s in witness protection and you are the one he truly loves (or just that he dumped his girlfriend and wants to be with you) is not going to do you any favours. Best case scenario? His relationship crashes and burns, enough time passes so that you are not his rebound, and something beautiful kindles between you two. Worst case scenario? You murder the girlfriend and are sentenced to life imprisonment. Most likely scenario: you are going feel lonely and binge on Netflix, turn down opportunities with people who are actually available, and drive your friends nuts with how often you analyse his text messages.

Do your best to limit your time around him and maybe think about hiding his activity from your newsfeed. Nobody wants to see their dumb trip to even dumber Paris…Fear not, with time, feelings will fade if you do your best to not feed into the fantasy. But seriously, it just sucks. It sucks a big one. Always be cautious around the handsome boy with the clever jokes when he already has someone to hold.

 

 

Texts NOT To Send After a First Date.

SO! You have just been on a date with Harry Styles, now do you want him to react like that? (OK clearly the odds of you going on a date with Harry Styles are limited, but do you want any guy to react like that?) No, you don't. Now I don't know what you should say, I don't know the rules, but I do not what NOT to say. After a great first date? do not text the following: 

I know I’m supposed to wait a certain amount of time to text you or whatever but I’m doing it now anyway, five minutes after you got into the cab. It’s not because I love you. But I’m also not saying that I don’t love you. Teehee.

Since you came into my life, I miss you so bad. I miss you so bad. I miss you so so bad. So call me, maybe?

I’ve had sex with 12 people but none of them made me feel the way you did with just one little hug. How many people have you slept with?

As soon as I put I got home I called my mum about our date and she says she feels like she knows you already. I can’t wait to meet your family!

I wish we were snuggling right now :/ :/ :/ :/

I have never felt a connection like this before.

I bet we would have really cute babies.

You can come over if you want. I’ll even make my Teddy move over so there’s room ;).

Seriously, as once they are sent - THEY ARE SENT. Text your best friend / your mum / your therapist your crazy weird feelings, but not them! 

What Not To Do When You Have Been Cheated On

Some people can forgive and forget a cheater (and apparently it happens to 80% of us) Each relationship is different, and maybe you can try again after once, but I am also a great believer that if you allow someone to treat you like that and get away with it? Well they will do it again because they can. So if you are looking for reasons to forgive I am not the girl for you. However I can tell you what NOT to do, because you want to keep your cool, and be a lady and not do any of the following, because I did some and in the end I just looked stupid. Lets go!

Call him out on Facebook or Twitter …unless you want to look like the bitter, twisted and totally-not-over-it ex that you AREN'T.

Pierce his car with ice picks. Tempting, right? But rise above…

Or cover it in graffiti.

Throw everything he ever bought you at his horrible cheating face. Why throw away your time together when you could sell it on eBay for a profit?

Revenge cheat. Trust us – it's not going to make you feel any better.

Take out a billboard. Spend the money on an exotic cocktail-based holiday instead.

Have sex with your ex. Unlike Ms Rachel Green, move FORWARDS, not backwards.

Throw everything he ever bought you at his horrible cheating face. Why throw away your time together when you could sell it on eBay for a profit?

Tell him you've been cheating too (when you really haven't). Farewell, moral high ground…

Tell everyone he's got a small penis. Unless you do it like this woman.

Hold a 'lying cheating bastard' sale. Seriously, that shit takes effort.

Make him a sign that advertises his own shame. You can only really do this if you stay together, and why would you want to stay with a guy who a) cheats, and b) stands at the side of the road wearing a sandwich board telling everyone about it?

Put flyers up everywhere letting everyone now what a douche he is. They'll crumble at the first sign of rain, anyway. This is not America. (Well it might be if you're reading this there!)

But DO...Shake him off, get your game face on and take it like a woman. Revenge is a dish best served with a massive smile on your face, so don't give him the satisfaction of your anger or tears. Be happy, do amazing things and have fun – living well is the best revenge.

Blocking After A Breakup

Facebook, for most, is part of our daily lives and when it comes to creating relationships and connection it is a worthwhile platform to be part of. However, Facebook can also be very dangerous when a relationship breaks down as you may well be finding yourself spending hours on the platform stalking your ex. This is, of course, is a BIG no-no! Believe me, I have been there.

Here are five reasons why Facebook stalking your ex is a bad idea:

1) It will keep you hurting

You need time to heal and watching what he is up to is not giving you the space to do so. Instead de-friend him so you can heal. If you don't want to de-friend facebook allows you to hide, but if you find yourself continuing to then still look, then de-friend. Healing has to be done in your own space with no disturbances. Part of the healing process is to commit to letting go of the exact things you don't want to let go of and change. However if you do make that commitment, magic happens.

2) It's detrimental to your self-esteem.

When you are healing your heart, its important to focus on you and use your time to do this to build up your self-esteem again. Instead do things that build up your self-esteem by finding out what is important to you in your inner world.

3) Stop you from meeting someone else.

If you are focusing on your ex and putting all your energy into that, are you allowing the space for someone new to come in? Of course not. Instead, focus on allowing the space for someone new, so that you can move on with your life. 

4) Waste your time

There is only one resource that you will never get back and that is your time. It may sound cliché but oh so true. Why give them your time? Surely your time is better served doing something wonderful for you instead of giving up your power to someone that ultimately is no longer in your life?

Don't have your power taken from you and when you feel the urge to get on there, do something else to nurture yourself. 

5) You will believe what is not true.

Facebook, in my very humble opinion, is NOT real. It is extremely one-sided and for the most part, people don't ever seem to be sad. You only ever get the one sided happy perspective of how amazing our lives are. Nevertheless, how do we really know that this is the truth? We don't.

The problem with stalking your ex, is that you will start to believe that he is having an incredible time of it. You will start comparing your life to his and guaranteed you will feel that moving on for your ex was easy, when in fact you just don't know. Assumptions only ever bring suffering.

Instead, focus on your life and what you are doing and this will start to bring your self confidence back.

What To Do When They Don't Want You Anymore?

You didn't expect this to happen, you had noticed that they were maybe being a little distant with you, but you know that feeling when you assume that once you sit down and talk it through that things will be sorted, resolved you can go back to being happy. But then it doesn't work out like that, they tell you how hard it is, and they are sorry but it has to end. When a break up comes out of nowhere you can go from being so happy, to leaving single, alone and unsure of how you are going handle tonight let alone the future months.

You try and convince yourself that this isn't going to permanent, they will realise after some time has passed how much they miss you, you love each other right? So you wait. You look at your phone and hope each time it rings or buzzes that it is them. They will tell you they made a mistake and they love you, and it is all going to be ok. The problem is this call never comes, you wait and wait and suffer some more but still nothing. Then it happens you relapse and contact them. After a bit on convincing they agree to talk, and talk you do. 

This is it, they are going to realise how much you mean to them, how much you love them and they love you and it's all going to be OK – any second now they will say those words you need 'lets try again' but they don't. In your desperation, you start to say things that you don’t even know are true but that feel true in the moment: that you’ll never meet somebody as special as them, that your life feels empty without them, and that you can’t do this any more. You’re crying now, sobbing, and they’re five feet away but a million miles apart, unwilling to touch or hold you, unwilling to give you the physical comfort that you so desperately need. But they only have silence, they tell you that it isn't easy for them, but they mean it when they say it – they are never getting back together with you. 

I know you are thinking never? All the memories, the amazing sex, the trips, the in jokes? Then you start to get angry. How could they do this to you, they promised they would catch you if you fell, and how can they just end this? And then they cry and they ask you to leave and you're not sure what just happened but it's over. Like really, really over. This pattern may well repeat, you wait for the phone calls, the texts and then you contact them and so the cycle repeats itself. 

The pattern might repeat: the phone calls, the going over to their place and the devolving into an argument, but they stick by their decision through it all. And it starts to sink in: the fact that no matter what you say, what you do or how desperately you try, this person is not getting back with you. You want to feel angry, you want to feel betrayed, and more than anything, you just want to have them back. This has happened to me, and what did it? When he said to me 'I don't know if I love you anymore' and I suddenly realised well, thought do I really want to be with someone that didn't love me? But it still fucking hurts.

But I guarantee that if somebody breaks up with you, and sticks with it long enough to override all those probably-still-remaining feelings of attraction towards you, they really believe that it’s the right decision for themselves. And even if you disagree, you need to let them figure that out on their own. They can’t figure it out if they’re having sex with you. They can’t figure it out if they’re sleeping in bed cuddled up next to you. They can’t figure it out if you’re taking them on dates and kissing them on the forehead and telling them how much you love them. That shit’s confusing as hell. Intimacy is like the superglue of human relationships: it makes us stick together, whether or not we’re of the same material.

 

 

Find ways to occupy yourself in their absence. Be productive. Write in a journal, read a book, hang out with your friends. Don’t try to fill the void with someone else immediately; use the time alone to learn more about yourself. If you “do you,” it’s a win-win situation: either one day they’ll see that and feel attracted to you again, but even if they don’t, you’ll have grown and set yourself up for something even better, even more beautiful, in the future. You’re going through the five stages of grief right now; take solace in the fact that the final stage is acceptance. Maybe what attracted you guys to each other will eventually pull you together again, but not right now. 

You can’t be in a relationship with somebody who doesn’t—or doesn’t know if they—want to be in a relationship with you. You know, in your heart of hearts, that that wouldn’t make you truly happy. And it wouldn’t make them happy either—the fact that they broke up with you is a testament to that. As much as your heart urges you otherwise, you know you don’t deserve a relationship with someone whose heart isn’t really in it. No one does.

How To Deal With A Break Up On Social Media

Oh break ups! You have the raging row, you storm our the house, you put the angriest song on and drive home. What is our first instinct? Get on social media, slam him, put independent woman quotes, tweets 'girl problems' on the twitter. Don't worry we have all been there, you're not alone – in this digital age people are very quick to take to social media to express emotions (especially when alcohol has been involved.) But it's become a general second nature, think of all the photos of dinner in instagram! But when it comes to break ups? DON'T DO IT. 

Instead, practice some social media break-up etiquette. Now, every break-up is different, so not all of these rules will apply to any one relationship. They are more like guidelines for a happier social media life. So, heed the warnings! Here is our advice 

Do NOT rant about your Ex on Facebook. Everyone wants to do this. It has become almost an instinctive reaction to either good or bad news. The whole Facebook world needs to know about it, right? Wrong. Please, keep that shit to yourself. Because you know what? Think about it when we see people post stuff like that, we laugh? we analyse? And we make assumptions etc – so don't let you be that person.

 

If you do want to post something, then post something positive, something good in your life and about new beginnings etc. So don't post that clearly attention begging status such as 'Why do bad things always happen to me?' it's attention seeking and quite frankly annoying. Post something positive! This IS a new beginning. 

Yes, feel free to delete your Ex, unfollow him, and basically eliminate him from your social network. It’s your personal network, and if you don’t want to see him/him to see you, by all means, get rid of him. It can also be wise to do this especially if you find yourself continuing to check his facebook/twitter/instagram it stops you from being able to. 

Defiantly do this to avoid the urge to stalk your ex after a few wines at 2am. This is the biggest problem! As when you accidentally hit like his status from 2011 or a picture, or see new girls commenting etc well it's only going to make you feel bad.

 

However, I would advise against blocking the Ex, (unless necessary). I know not everyone wants to be friends with an Ex, but he/she was very close to you for a reason. By not blocking, you leave the option for friendship open. However if he is cheating, lying horrible bastard? Well they by all means block away. But from experience I am friends with a few exes, and only because the door was left open. 

There is then the problem of the mutual friends, or being friends with his family and friends. Now deleting them all straight away can look bad, so possibly if you can just do it slowly weed them out over a few weeks. That being said just because you met through your ex as long as it doesn't cause any drama then why not stay friends with them? 

Angry? Got some pretty racey photos of your ex? Well don't post them, don't honestly. Even if he has done you wrong, what are the chances he has something you might not even know about? Save them for a laugh, but if you post them it makes you look angry and upset (even though you might be) but you're asking for a war, and trust me no one will win. 

Finally, when in doubt, do NOT post anything when you’re upset, angry or sad. I’m talking anything. It could be liking a status, tweeting something snarky, or just writing “I Miss You” on his wall. Don’t do it! None of these are things that you’re going to look back on in 24 hours and think, oh yeah, that was smart. 

Break ups suck. It’s a fact of life. But Love is great, and people will continue to search for it. Just remember, along the path to finding that right guy, you’ll have some stumbles. 

So, just make sure your social media self doesn’t create more issues and drama than your real life.

It's Ok To Not Have A Plan

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When I turned thirty last week, I suddenly thought back to where I thought I would be at thirty. That was married with a kick ass job, kids, and a husband. Well I am not exactly there! But do you know what? I used to feel like I was on this never ending path, running, running, and running some more (and those who know me, know I do not run) to find my dream job (I do have my dream job but only because I created it!) to find the perfect man, the perfect life. 

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There are so many times that I have felt as if I am on my last leg. I felt exhausted by the process. But you know what? Turning thirty was like a light came on. I don't know who I am going to spend the rest of my life with, and you might not know what you want to do with your life in terms of career or in fact anything! And you know what? Thats fine! You don't need to know what you are going to do with your life, in any aspect – and maybe you take the wrong path – whether you are twenty two or sixty two you will get there eventually, there is no definate path or a time frame on it. I also feel that putting a time frame on things is crazy, if I had decided to get married at 26 - then I would have married the wrong person etc! It's got to feel right, not just be the right time. 

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I spent so much time trying to fast track my life from my business to my love life that I completely missed life itself! I was planning, and planning and planning some more – but was I living? no.

WE DON’T HAVE TO HAVE A PLAN.

We can just take life one day at a time. Take it one month at a time if you’d like. Give yourself a break and take time to smell the freaking roses…or whatever you're into. It’s good to have goals and it’s great to have dreams.

But stop putting so much pressure on yourself to have a plan for where you want to end up. You will get there, I promise.

Guys you should never date.

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We all have that ex boyfriend who was nothing but bad for us – for various reasons. So how do we avoid making the same mistakes twice? Well I decided to put a list of the men who should just avoid dating all together, because they are nothing but bad news. 

The Married Guy

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Nothing, I repeat nothing comes from dating a man who is not avaliable. Especially when they are married. I got hit on once by someone who was quite openly married – and mistake number one? I let him flirt with me etc. It was fun to begin with, he would send me flirty yet secretive texts, it felt bad and naughty and exciting. I fizzled it out as he was to be honest just anoying, but I do know people who have continued from a bit of flirty banter into a full on affair. That's all it is an affair. He will never leave his wife, you will always be the other woman (and most likey the one who is blamed) and ultimatly the one who left out in the cold. 

Long Distance.

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I am friends with one couple who have made this work. Both in successful creative jobs and led very independent lives. That is ONE couple in my 15 years of seeing people date. Like the couple who are together in high school? But then go to different universities? Never works – you both meet new people, new experiences etc it's inevitable. The guy you meet in the bar but he is from Australia? Germany? Yes texting him might be fun and you met up once whilst he was here? Call it is what it is, a holiday romance - same if you go away and meet someone. Unless you are prepared to make the move with someone (and you WANT to make the move, and they want you to – another mistake make sure they do) then have fun with these romances and move on. 

The Ex 

 

This one might be an obvious one – but the line between and ex and not sleeping with a ex and getting back with an ex is a very blurred one. Its a struggle though, a massive one. (I slept with my ex for a good year after we split) Now this did not only stop me from finding someone else and moving on, damanging friendships as I kept lying to people about the fact I was sleeping with him, but it was emotionally not good. I kept thinking I could change him, make him want me. Sure the sex was good, the company? it's easy and comfortable, and it's such an easy fall back. He was my ex for a reason, and yours is your ex for a reason. So just stop it right now.

The guys you cannot have.

 

There are a few of these: 

Co workers. DO NOT DO IT. One of my best friends has to work with his ex girlfriend every day and lets just say it is not fun.

The guy who you really really like but he just isn't that keen: Sleeping with him will not make him love you, it will make your feelings stronger and he will have slept with a cute girl. If he doesn't want you for more than one night he doesn't deserve you at all.

The barman at your local pub: You know him, he knows what you drink. Yes he isn't your usual type, but he has seen you at your worst, so what harm could it do? It will do a lot of harm – if you like drinking there? Don't do it you will be looking for a new place to drink. 

The guy who REALLY likes you. 

 

Trust me there is always that one guy that really likes you – you know the one – they have always shown a certain affinity to you, they give you attention when you need it – but you're really not that keen. Leave them there, don't make it into something it isn't. You wouldn't want someone dating you to feel better about themslves so don't do it to them. Plus it's always nice to have them around for that little bit of attention here and there!

 Have we missed any?!