7 Stages Of A Break Up!

Breaking up is hard to do. Much like the passing away of a loved one, breakups have stages of grief. Here's an outline of the breakup process -- and how to get through it. 

Breaking up isn't as hard to do if you understand that everything that is happening to your heart, your mind and your body is totally normal. That's right: Consuming endless bowls of ice cream one day and being disgusted by the sight of food the next is normal under the circumstances. It is also normal to want to slash your ex's tires and want him back all at the same time.

What isn't normal, though, is to stay stuck in your confused, lonely or sad state. Breakups have stages of grief, as outlined below. These breakup stages may not be in order for you, and there is no telling how long you will stay in each one, but consider progress of any kind positive. Be gentle with yourself during a breakup, and don't stop reminding yourself that, no matter how dark the day, you will get through this.

1. Shock: "What the hell just happened?"

Shock is the body's natural protection against pain. And when your relationship first ends, you just might not want to deal with what's coming next. It may be too scary, too lonely, too confusing. A state of disbelief could last minutes, weeks or even months and likely lasts longer if you are on the receiving end of an unexpected breakup. Don't be surprised if you feel a sense of blurriness about the actual breakup scene, a literal loss of breath, or trouble sleeping.

Do/Do not:

  • Do prescribe yourself calming cures like meditation or long walks.
  • Do not freak out. You will make sense of all of this!

2. Denial: "This is so not happening."

Denial is rejection of reality and a storage of feelings. The thinking is that, if you don't accept the heartbreak, then it didn't really happen, thus leaving hope for reunion. During this stage of a breakup it is common to call, email or even Facebook-stalk -- anything that feels remotely "normal" about the relationship -- in an effort to put dealing with the heartbreak on hold.

Do/Do not:

  • Do open up to a journal or trusted friend to begin unleashing fears, identifying unreasonable thoughts and more.
  • Do not minimise the situation. Pretending your breakup doesn't have to be dealt with will lead to emotional numbness and leave you stuck.

3. Isolation: "I just want to sit in this all by myself."

Once you've recognized the breakup, you get into the dirty work: Dealing with the dissolution of the relationship. You may replay the relationship over and over in your mind, trying to pinpoint where it fell apart and how it could have been saved. Your thoughts may feel very scattered and disorganised. This stage of grief has you in withdrawal; you don't even feel like updating your social media status or checking your voicemails. You may draw your blinds and not even want to leave the house. Sitting in silence, darkness or a bucket of ice cream feels better than going outside and admitting to the world that, yes, it's over.

Do/Do not:

  • Do take regular showers and create reasons to face the day (work, social activities).
  • Do not indulge in self-pity by letting irrational thoughts like "No one will ever love me again" take over.

4. Anger: "I hate you for breaking my heart!"

In this stage, your heart goes from sad to raging mad. It becomes fuelled with anger towards your ex for whatever his part in the breakup was, and/or toward yourself for your part. During this stage of breakup, you may find yourself burning pictures of him, holding his stuff hostage, slandering him to his friends or worse. If you are angry with yourself, you may do a lot of self-talk -- regretful thoughts and angry conversation with yourself. The deeper desire here is often to place blame.

Do/Do not:

  • Do feel, write or talk about your anger.
  • Do not act on it.

5. Bargaining: "What will it take to get him back?"

Sometimes involving begging, this stage is often about getting your ex back, but other times, it is about absolving your own guilt if you did something wrong that caused the breakup. Desperate to negotiate with yourself or your ex, you may go to extreme measures to make deals or become something else (thinner, less jealous, etc.) to make amends -- when in truth, it is just about making the current pain go away.

Do/Do not:

  • Do create a self-love list complete with what makes you happy and things you want for your future.
  • Do not include wanting your ex back in the above list!

6. Depression: "I will never get over him."

You realise the magnitude of your loss in this stage of grief, and it can feel all too overwhelming. You may wind up in a state of deep sadness that can even resemble mild depression. At this point, recalling what your life was like prior to your relationship or what it could be like now can be hard. Just getting out of bed feels difficult, and you may even feel physical aches and pains perpetuated by deep feelings of hopelessness, helplessness and sadness.

Do/Do not:

  • Do surround yourself with positive people and lots of sunshine.
  • Do not fall victim to unhealthy behaviours such as binge eating or drinking.

7. Acceptance: "I understand why I was with him, why I'm not now, and that I will be better than just OK."

The acceptance stage of a breakup makes all the other really tough ones worth it. This is the one that finally gives you that welcome sense of exhalation. You come to realise what the past meant and what the future can hold. The sun begins to shine, and you begin to feel like yourself again, ready to move onward and upward.

Do/Do not:

  • Do celebrate getting through your breakup.
  • Do not be surprised if you still feel moments of sadness from time to time; it's normal. Just keep on your positive path!

Do you have any breakup tips?

Fashion Friday: Embroiderd Jackets!

Our latest obsession, would you rock one?  It's all about embroidered jackets this week!

 I mean seriously need this

How cute?

If money was no object!

Love this one from Zara

Or a more subtle look

Or just details on the shoulder etc for a less expressive look

Or Mix it up with sequins

 Or words?

Or go mad for sequin butterflies

Do you like this trend, or do you prefer keeping it plain?

Simple Things To Make You Happy!

Comfort food.

I put this one first for a reason, and that reason is that comfort food is one of the most basic components of being a happy, well-adjusted human. There is no meeting so soul-suckingly boring that a little pizza won’t make you go out of your way to attend it. There is no emotional wound that cannot be at least temporarily patched up with some hot, crispy chicken nuggets and fries with ranch and honey mustard sauce. 

2. Clean sheets.

Man, you just feel gross as shit when you’re on grimy sheets. You feel like a sentient ball of pond scum, temporarily inhabiting a vaguely moist hell that used to resemble your bedroom. It feels like your whole life is falling apart, and the second you change them to those fresh, fluffy, cool-and-warm-at-the-same-time new sheets, everything is back where it should be. You sleep like an angel on a cloud of success. 

3. A breeze.

If there is one state of affairs that reminds us just how completely our overall dispositions depend on our atmospheric surroundings, it is being trapped somewhere that is hot as hell and getting nary a breeze to cool your fevered brow. 

4. A hot shower.

Hot showers, especially when you’re achy or dirty, feel like getting kissed all over your body by a thousand tiny Ryan Goslings. It’s being baptised by the Cleanliness Gods in your own home , and it is an irreplaceable necessity to happiness. 

5. Alone time.

All of the thrilling social activities in the world mean absolutely nothing if you can’t punctuate them with some nice time to just unwind, watch your weird-ass “me time” videos on YouTube, and be a total slob in your underwear.

6. Someone who remembers with you.

You need at least one person to discuss your memories, your experiences, and the person you used to be with. If you don’t have anyone who also remembers certain periods in your life, it can start to feel as though they never happened at all (or that they don’t count). But when you start wandering down memory lane hand-in-hand with someone, it is the emotional equivalent of someone bringing out a surprise ice cream cake and two enormous spoons. You get to just feel all the warm fuzzies, and make each other remember stuff, and giggle over inside jokes. It’s the best.

7. A nice wake-up.

For some of us, including myself, mornings will never be that nice. But if you don’t at least get a few minutes to groggily look at your phone, put something resembling food in your body, and get a little coffee or tea, your day is doomed. When you wake up in an incoherent panic and you have to run out the door wearing the first thing that wasn’t stained with the blood of your enemies, you know that you are just going to feel a little bit like shit all day long. 

8. Good internet.

Having something to do on the internet and watching in agony as each page takes a full 30 seconds to load is amongst the most visceral frustrations we can experience. It’s the kind of thing to make you rip your laptop off its cord and throw it against the wall because you would rather do all of your communication by carrier pigeon from now on. 

9. Purchases that are just for you.

Come on, you need to get something for yourself every now and again. If you don’t occasionally treat yourself to a bag of bulk sweets, or a new asos dress that appears to be made out of clin film and recycled cardboard, or a movie for one in the middle of a Saturday afternoon, what is life about?

10. A comfy sweater.

There is no feeling that makes you feel more safe, more comfortable, more deliciously warm and cosy than pulling a sweater around you, over your palms and up onto your neck, until you are less a human being and more an anthropomorphic ball of wool. It’s like being hugged by your clothes. 

11. At least one person who just gets it.

Whether it’s the friend who doesn’t need any social issues explained to them (and who will never make horribly oppressive jokes because they don’t believe in being “PC”), or the person who is just as obsessed with that one book/show/movie/band as you are and does not matter one bit if you want to talk about it for an entire five-hour hangout session, we all need the person who “gets it.” You don’t need a group of them, you just need the one, and your sanity will be intact. Without them, you will begin to slowly question whether or not your entire reality is a figment of your imagination. Your happiness is always reinforced by their existence.
What keeps you happy?

Gratituesday - Feeling Hot, Hot, Hot!

Summer is hitting hard today! it's the 20th July which shall probably be the first and last day of British Summer! Anyway apart from the heat, what else are we grateful for this week? 

 These awesome items!

All the pastels

This great wardrobe list. 

Our namesake

 Gorgeous soaps


 Smootie love.

Lazy days

Vintage prints

White hair 

Current feels.

Little Things..

Explaining Pokemon to my mum Seeing loads of kids out and about playing pokemon Kim Kardashian / Tswift drama - hilarious Weekly dates with your oldest friend and laughing a lot Frozen Yoghurt Living down the road from one of your best friends / co workers and having many coffee dates Laughing all the time Ginger beer Free lattes Flower crowns (no shame) New music learning about snap chat bad girls club (obsessed) prawn cocktails cooking more the return of celeb bb!  

What’s on your love list this week?