Relationships are hard. So hard, that sometimes we destroy them
before they even come to be. We’re just so excited about this new
person, this new prospect, that we just want to jump to the end where
everyone is happy and in love. And in doing that, we ruin the whole
thing. If this hasn’t happened to you yet, keep doing what you’re doing
and avoid doing these things. And to those who have done one, or some,
or all of these things — I feel you. I really do.
Here are things that will end a relationship before it begins:
Being available all the time
If you’re available a lot, that’s fine. But don’t let anyone know that.
You want people (and not just people you want to date and have sexy
times with) to think that you’ve got a life full of important and
fabulous things to do. And if you’ve got too much time on your hands,
then find something to do. Clean your home. Make plans to see that
friend you haven’t seen in years — and actually do it. Make your own
schedule.
Texting or calling too frequently
I hate hate hate the whole texting game. People have lots of rules.
Rules like, “don’t text right after your date” “don’t text the next day”
“don’t text for 3 days” “Have a ratio, for every 3 texts she sends you,
send 1 back” and so forth. That last one is infuriating. If you’re the
sort of person who communicates via text, I’m not asking you to shut it
down. I’m asking you to take a moment and think, “Do I really need to
text this?” Is it to confirm plans? Go for it. Are you sharing an inside
joke? Go for it. Are you telling them you had a great time? Go for it.
But do not go for it every day. And do not text things that won’t go
anywhere. Things like, “Hey! What’s up?” “Oh, nothing, you?” “Just
chilling.” “Cool.” I mean come on, what is anyone supposed to do with
that? And if you do that several times a day, it gets really annoying,
really fast.
Getting caught Facebook stalking them and/or their ex
We all do it, just don’t get caught. If you do, it’s nearly impossible
to get over. They have to have a really good sense of humor, and you
have to be breezy about it. But for some people, this can end it
immediately. To them, it suggests that you’re insecure.
Asking them almost every day what their plans are and if they’d like to hang out/go out
I’ve done this and I’ve had this done to me. And being on the other side
of it, it made me feel very uncomfortable. Yeah, I like you, we had a
good time, but why are you so insistent on seeing me? And don’t you
understand that I work? I’ve told you that I work. Can you just chill
out a tiny bit? I also feel badly when every time you invite me I have
to tell you that I have plans, because I actually do have plans, but
soon I may want to get the point where I tell you I have plans even when
I don’t and I don’t like lying to people. Let me miss you a little bit.
Make some plans, if they don’t work for me, I’ll offer suggestions, and
we’ll figure something out.
Making or planning big events or trips too far ahead
It’s like you’re challenging the universe to break you up. Oh, your
cousin’s getting married in about a year? Better let them know that even
though you just met this guy last week and he seems cool, you’re gonna
need a plus one.
Being too familiar and too intimate (in a non-sexy way)
I know it’s exciting at the thought of meeting his friends and/or
family, but it’s a little weird if you try to force it. If you ask him,
“How’s your niece, Madeline?” when he hasn’t even mentioned his niece
Madeline, but you know she exists because you saw her on his Instagram
feed. That throws people off. And by being too intimate, I mean, doing
boyfriend-y things when you’ve only gone on 1 date. On your second date,
if you jump into his arms and call him pet names you just made up and
grab his hand it can make the other person feel really, really awkward.
Having “the relationship talk” WAY too soon
Oh God nothing kills the relationship like talking about the
relationship. It makes sense if you’ve been together for a few months
and you want to know if you’re going to be exclusive, and how do you
feel about what we have going on here, and so forth. But if you’ve been
on 2 dates and you’re having this talk, it’s going to end badly. You’re
going to freak the other person out, and really you’re only asking
because you’re so freaked out, so now you have 2 freaked out people who
are both thinking, “What are we doing, I just wanted to have fun.” Don’t
do this. And why do people do this? Let’s go to the next...
Over analysing everything
Texting has ruined a lot about dating. We’re so careful now about what
we text and when we want to describe to our friends how our interactions
with dudes go, we simply copy/paste the text to every friend. And
usually, each friend comes back with an entirely different
interpretation. And it’s a mess. And you’ll start to think of all the
little things that happened that you know aren’t important, but now that
you’re spiraling into this insecure place, you’re telling your friend,
“He took me to a casual restaurant without waiters, he’s totally not
into me, is he?” THIS GETS YOU NOWHERE, STOP.
Worrying about the future
“Are we going to last? Is this the person I’m going to marry? Will my
parents like them? Will they like my parents? Are we going to take
trips to Spain together? Shit, I should buy a new suitcase. If I save up
money now, I’ll have enough in 3 months for a trip to Spain. What if we
don’t make it in 3 months?” This is destructive and don’t do this. (And
don’t plan trips to Spain after knowing someone for a handful of days.)
To quote Doris Day,
Que Sera, Sera,
Whatever will be, will be
The future’s not ours to see.
Falling too hard, too fast — and telling them
You know what “Classic Schmosby” means? It refers to the character
Ted Mosby in How I Met Your Mother. At the end of Ted’s perfect first
date, he tells her, “I think I’m falling in love with you.” This was a
habit Ted couldn’t break. So every time someone said “I love you” too
soon, it was known as pulling a “Classic Schmosby.” And sometimes you
later realise that you weren’t actually in love — you just really wanted
to be. It’s okay to fall in love, but don’t say anything until you’re
sure that’s what you’re really feeling, and wait a little bit. Don’t
rush these great times, these beginning stages where you get to know
someone and sometimes you can’t even look at them directly because
they’re so god damn cute.
Stop, take a deep breath, and enjoy it.
