Things NOT To Do After A Break-Up

Don’t listen to Beyoncé’s “I Miss You”

There are a whole slew of songs you should steer clear of during a break up. Like, I don’t know, ANYTHING ever recorded, EVER, by Celine Dion? Or “All By Myself” by Eric Carmen—that’ll do a real number on you. “Thinkin’ Bout You” by Frank Ocean, “Everytime” by Britney Spears, the list goes on. But perhaps the worst song you could ever listen to is Beyoncé’s “I Miss You” (re: “I thought that things like this get better with time / But I still need you, why is that? / You’re the only image in my mind / So I still see you…around / I miss you like everyday / Wanna be with you, but you’re away / Said I miss you, missing you insane / But if I got with you, could it feel the same?”). Instant tears. Don’t do it.

 Avoid third wheeling

Which, let me tell you, gets harder and harder with each passing day as all of your best friends get plucked up like little lilacs out of dirt. Still, you’re going to want to avoid this if, for nothing else, than to shroud your poor ears from cutesy nicknames or from the song that they plan to play at their unplanned wedding. Which brings me to the next one...

Don’t go to weddings

Do I really need to explain this one?

Don’t go cray cray on your ex

Easier said than done, but still worth reiterating. If you’re about to send him a I NEED YOU I LOVE YOU, I HATE YOU in text message form, send it to your best friend instead. It’s much harder for a friend to break up with you.

Don’t wallow…especially in his clothes

If you happen to have sartorial remnants of your ex scattered about your home, you’re going to want to gather them all up and put them in a safe, yet unreachable spot. The urge to wear his underwear and t-shirts around the house—to casually roll around with them in bed and smell them until your nostril hairs are burned off—will be strong. Exercise restraint.

Don’t force yourself to have casual sex

Because chances are you’ll start crying, try to spoon him after, or something weird like that. Not a good look.

But also, don’t dive right into another relationship...

The pleasure and sense of relief you might get by doing this will be strong, but fleeting. It’s like the whole band-aid solution—you’re not allowing yourself to fully heal from the break up.

Don’t stalk him

That means on social media or in person. After a break up it’s easy to slip imperceptibly into Swimfan mode without even realising it. Well take note—DON’T. Don’t get into the habit of checking his Facebook page every time you sign in, because this will soon become second nature and, eventually, an impulse you’ll perform like clockwork. But also, don’t underestimate the weirdness of stalking in person too. Don’t be that girl who shows up to a party he’s at and stands in the corner the whole time watching his every move. Know why? Because it’s creepy.

Don’t sift through your old photos

There’s a reason for the phrase, “A picture tells a thousand stories.” Pictures are able to tell a ton of stories because you can extend your imagination and suspend disbelief. Looking at old photos won’t bring to mind that time he cheated on you. Looking at old photos of you and your ex will help you forget the bad times, remember the good times, and cloak all of your memories in illusions.

Don’t try and show off “how happy you are” via social media

You might not think it’s transparent, but trust me, it is.

 

Don’t “oops wrong text” him

Girl, I KNOW I didn’t just hear what I think I heard. That you intentionally sent him the text message that was meant for your best friend. I know right now it seems like a great jealousy-inducing ploy, texting him, “Hey, you on your way?” followed by a “oops wrong text,” but in actuality, it’s not. It is obvious.

Don’t expect any grand gestures

Again, with the whole suspending disbelief thing—just don’t do it. After break ups it’s easy to let yourself slip into romantic mode and be consumed by fantasies. Well, snap out of it. When you open your front door tonight, do you know what won’t be at home waiting for you? Your ex, with a bouquet of flowers, a hand-written sonnet and a bathtub filled with fluff. Don’t get it twisted.

Tale as old as time.

Clichéd, annoying, and frustrating. Time heels, the above things help speed the process. You will be OK, you will love again, and you will happy.

Blocking After A Breakup

Facebook, for most, is part of our daily lives and when it comes to creating relationships and connection it is a worthwhile platform to be part of. However, Facebook can also be very dangerous when a relationship breaks down as you may well be finding yourself spending hours on the platform stalking your ex. This is, of course, is a BIG no-no! Believe me, I have been there.

Here are five reasons why Facebook stalking your ex is a bad idea:

1) It will keep you hurting

You need time to heal and watching what he is up to is not giving you the space to do so. Instead de-friend him so you can heal. If you don't want to de-friend facebook allows you to hide, but if you find yourself continuing to then still look, then de-friend. Healing has to be done in your own space with no disturbances. Part of the healing process is to commit to letting go of the exact things you don't want to let go of and change. However if you do make that commitment, magic happens.

2) It's detrimental to your self-esteem.

When you are healing your heart, its important to focus on you and use your time to do this to build up your self-esteem again. Instead do things that build up your self-esteem by finding out what is important to you in your inner world.

3) Stop you from meeting someone else.

If you are focusing on your ex and putting all your energy into that, are you allowing the space for someone new to come in? Of course not. Instead, focus on allowing the space for someone new, so that you can move on with your life. 

4) Waste your time

There is only one resource that you will never get back and that is your time. It may sound cliché but oh so true. Why give them your time? Surely your time is better served doing something wonderful for you instead of giving up your power to someone that ultimately is no longer in your life?

Don't have your power taken from you and when you feel the urge to get on there, do something else to nurture yourself. 

5) You will believe what is not true.

Facebook, in my very humble opinion, is NOT real. It is extremely one-sided and for the most part, people don't ever seem to be sad. You only ever get the one sided happy perspective of how amazing our lives are. Nevertheless, how do we really know that this is the truth? We don't.

The problem with stalking your ex, is that you will start to believe that he is having an incredible time of it. You will start comparing your life to his and guaranteed you will feel that moving on for your ex was easy, when in fact you just don't know. Assumptions only ever bring suffering.

Instead, focus on your life and what you are doing and this will start to bring your self confidence back.