The Art Of Being Single

Over the past ten years, I always had a man by my side. I was always in a relationship. It was always just the way it was, and suddenly I have found myself single. The break up? was messy, it hurt, and I was suddenly very alone. Why am I now alone? What will I do? How do I do things by myself? It sounds pathetic but I had never been alone. But the reality is I am my own person, and if I can’t enjoy being single, how can I enjoy being with someone else? So here are some thing I have learnt, and realised and why you shouldn’t be afraid to be singe - trust me being with the wrong person? is so much worse.

Being single, gives you time to be with yourself, by yourself. Finally some me time. This is the time to reconnect with myself, a time where I can talk to myself, debating all the questions and answers that are bouncing in my head.  This is the time of reflection. This is the time of acceptance and letting go, which brings me to the second point…

If you don’t let go of the past, you will never appreciate the present. Yes I have fond memories of my ex, but that was in the past. I know I will always cherish those memories, but I need to stop clinging to them to live for today and plan for tomorrow. Buddha said every day you are born again—that means new experiences and adventures for today!

It’s only after you have lost everything that you are free to find out what you were missing. Now that I’m single, I have an opportunity to do all the things I put off while I was putting all my energy into my relationships. I have to believe that I will eventually have the things I lost, but for now I’m taking this time to enjoy myself and complete myself. Also change can sometimes be good.  My heart has been bashed, bruised and broken. But I don’t feel traumatised, and I know I will love again. Hopefully the next someone will treasure and treat my heart with love and respect. Staying open to love isn’t just about attracting a new relationship; it’s about being open to life.

Even if you’re single, you still have so much to appreciate.

“Being single is not the end of the world,” a friend said to me. She continued by saying “There are other problems that are more depressing than being single—hunger and homelessness, for instance.”This felt like a slap in the face to wake me up. It reminded me that even with a broken heart, I am still standing. I’m still breathing. There are still so many possibilities for me.

You’re not alone when you’re single; you still have family and good friends.

I am lucky to have a supportive mother and sister and friends. They are my sanity—my light. Spending time with them relaxes me in a way. I’m also fortunate to have wonderfully good friends who are always there with open arms, ready to listen and support me. I know for sure I can always share my happiness and sorrow with them. I can always depend on them without feeling the slightest bit of guilt. And now that I’m single, I have even more time to devote to being there for them.

 

Being single is a call to focus on yourself. Sometimes being in a relationship can make you lazy about developing yourself. You can get so comfortable that your goals take a back seat. When you’re single, it prompts you to look deep inside yourself and identify the person you really want to be—whether you’re in a relationship or not.  Something better will come your way if you’re open to it.

I found a lovely quote through twitter, “To see a rainbow, one has to pass a storm.” When something bad happens, we tend to concentrate on the negatives, forgetting that there must be something positive hidden somewhere in the havoc. You will know happiness in the future—and in the present, if you’re open to it.

Life is a balance. When there is darkness there will be light.

I believe that everything in life is a process. When something dramatic and fast hits us, it will take time to process it and start over.

I am starting over. As a newbie in singlehood I still have a lot to learn, understand, and explore. I sometimes need to be reminded to be grateful for what I have. As we all know, these words are easier said than practiced. So I hold onto one important idea that I’d like to leave you with:

Change comes from within. You alone have to decide if you want that change.

Rock The January Sales, Like A Pro!

Although many people take part in Black Friday and Cyber Monday, The January sales are also a lot of fun (and for me, the sales event I like to do in person, like not online (yes actually leave my house!) Over the years I have managed to come up with a few tips to get the most our of the sales (whilst remaining dignified, we are not wild animals ladies - and fighting over a cashmere top? well that's just not very chic is it?

You can try items on pre sale - that way you know what fits, what size, and what you like (a lot of sales mean exchange or credit note only, so be sure you know what you want/need. Sounds silly but get acquainted with the store layout - that way you can get to the items, and areas you want quickly. Be friend and be nice to sales assistants (I became friendly with an Urban Outfitters assistant when I was at University and she would 'hide' items out back for me, until I came in. They are your friends, they will be tired, angry, and annoyed so place nice and get in their good books! 

One the day of your sale hunting, there is no time for friends. Go alone, stay focused, there is no time for indecision! Have you a particular piece in mind? the perfect jacket? If you are after something specific - get there early, go there first, find item, check reduction, and purchase. I sometimes do this online though if I want something specific. But many stores on the high street will do bigger discounts in the actual stores (to tempt you in!) 

Do not try stuff on in sales, buy what you planned to buy, this is not the time to think 'I am totally going to lose 3 stones so that floral mini dress will be an investment' it won't, don't buy just because it is cheap! Department stores sales are worth watching. For example Harvey Nicks will reduce things up to 4 times after the sales have started, but that really is a test of nerve and will. Expensive shoe brands such as Manolo Blahnik? it is only worth going on the first day, and in reality being in the first ten. This means swallowing your pride and really going for it.

Another thing I have done a couple of times is find out where the sales are in other fashion capitols (Paris, Milan, New York) Plan a trip there, to coincide with the dates, and get bargains that only the locals would know the value of.

Remember the trick of sales is to know what you want, your size, and what suits you. Chances are that if there is whole rail of red velvet cullotes that have been unpurchased, it's for a reason - there is a lot of crap that looks good on no one.

Do you have any sales tips?

Macro Monday - 143

We have been SLACKING but when it's just two of you running a business (over black friday, cyber monday) life gets hard! No excuses, so here is a bumper Macro Monday! 

I kind of see his point...

ALL THE FEELS. 

 

Was my best friend.

 LOVE

 

 LOL

 

His face!

 Salem Always.

 lol

 I get major rage.

 lol

Me so many times at Uni! 

Oh Crimewatch! 

Have a good week you lovelies!

Late 2000’s Jams For Your Sunday Afternoon!

Don’t look now, but the late naughties are slowly creepin’ up the nostalgia line. We’re beginning to see what songs are going to stand the test of time, securing that oh-so coveted “throwback status.” And as all are still familiar enough to get everyone going, here are a few that will help you make this Sunday one you’ll not soon forget: 

Akon - I'm So Paid
 

Life was good right before the recession.

 

Keri Hilson Feat. Kanye West - Knock You Down

Keri Hilson was a late-naughts staple. Seems to have faded from the spotlight, but here’s one of her finest. And she brought friends.

Cobra Starship Feat. Leighton Meester

Blair Waldorf’s first big foray into singing. The precursor to party rock?

 Avril Lavigne - Girlfriend

Man is this song great.

 My Chemical Romance - Teenagers

One to up the tempo. One to get it all out there.

 James Blunt - You're Beautiful 

A perfect “entire bar drunkenly singing along to” song. Movie directors need to get on this.

Will Young - Leave Right Now

ALL OF THE FEELS 

Paris Hilton - Stars Are Blind

I don’t think anyone really considers this a good song. But MANY consider it a great one.

 Mika - Grace Kelly 

I don’t think I’m the only person who spent the first few months thinking MIKA was a girl. Incredible, incredible range.

Miley Cyrus - See You Again 

We’ve come a long way. I wonder if best friend Leslie still keeps in touch.

Enrique Iglesias - Do You Know - The Ping Pong Song 

Back before Enrique started singing about infidelity and rampant sexual exploits, he was crushed by a breakup. The ping pong song, a classic.

 Lonley Island - I'm On A Boat 

A nice tie in to the first song. The famous video is a parody of Akon’s. Get paid.

What would be on your list?

The Inspirationals: Elspeth Van Der Hole

 Super babe Elspeth

This 'Inspirational' is seriously close to my heart. Not only is Elspeth a BADASS fashion photographer, super talented, kind and my friend, she is also a massive inspiration to all those out there suffering with any form on mental illness. Elspeth openly talks about suffering heavily from anxiety, depression and recently diagnosed with showing traits of Borderline Personality Disorder. To me the fact she is so open about her illnesses are admirable, and has she let it stop her taking over the photography world? Has she fuck! Having worked with anyone and everyone from Vidal Sassoon to Asos she's a force to be reckoned with. Here she tells us all about how she got to where she is! 

 Elspeth recently shot musician Franzie Cocozza

Tell us what you do:

I am a UK Fashion Photographer!

What does your average work day look like for you?

The average work day? There is no average work day and that’s why it’s the BEST JOB EVER.

Do you primarily work alone or with other people?

I am a registered sole trader so primarily I work alone but I get commissioned by clients to take photographs. These clients could be anything from a model or make up artist to a well known fashion house!

How amazing?!
 

Is this what you wanted to do as a child?  Did you end up in this job by "accident" or was it a planned career choice?

As a child I actually wanted to become a fashion designer – I ended up taking my photography A level as a ‘filler subject’ and completely fell in love with the industry and creativity!

How long ago did you start on this path?

Over 10 years ago now! Including my previous art/fashion background.

How long were you doing it before you made it int your your career or primary form of income?

Probably around 9 years, but I ran my business and building myself up as a name in the industry alongside my education.

Did anything specific happen to get you to that point, or was it a series of small steps?

A series of MANY small steps – and still going! The Prince’s Trust Enterprise course was one of the larger steps I took as I gained a business mentor and a business loan which has helped me progress quicker in the more recent months!

 More of Elspeth's work. 

What kind of education do you have?

I graduated last year from Nottingham Trent with a 2:1 BA hons in Photography.

Before that I got a distinction in my Foundation Art and Design National Diploma at Birmingham City Uni, after completing 5 AS/A Levels at Worcester Sixth Form College.

 
What do you think is the best thing about what you do?

Getting to meet the most incredibly inspiring people all the time, and not knowing what the next day will bring you!

 
What's the worst thing?

I don’t actually know, even the bad parts of what I do have helped me get to where I am, you learn from your mistakes and you begin to embrace the bad times! It makes you a much more humble and grateful person that’s for sure!

 
Would you call yourself a work-a-holic?

I don’t think I would call myself that, but I’m sure EVERYONE else will haha! To me, my business is my lifestyle so I am constantly networking, marketing or creating – purely because I just LOVE what I do!

Such a talent.

What would your number one suggestion be for someone who wants to do what you do?

Love what you do, but also make sure you have an element of being business minded. If you love what you do too much without any notion of marketing it then it’s almost a sure fail, in the same way that being too business minded can make you want for money too quickly and get impatient with how long the journey takes!

How about number 2?

Choose your battles wisely. Learn who to take advice from, some people may be out to belittle you for their own gain – either because of jealousy or other reasons. Be polite, but be aware of competitive nastiness!

What do you wish you had known when you first started out?

That you can get to where you want to be, regardless of money. You don’t have to be a millionaire to achieve your dreams!

Are there any major misconceptions about your job or industry?

That it’s just a hobby, and we’ll happily work for free to enable other people’s monetary gain. ARGH.

 Photographing musical star Alexa Goddard

Do you have any ethical dilemmas with the work you do?

I haven’t directly encountered any yet – although there are a number of men who exploit the industry as a photographer in order to gain contact with young, vulnerable ‘wannabe’ models.

What's the best thing that's happened to you as a consequence of the work you do?

Having an outlet and somewhere to channel my emotions in order to keep my mental health balanced. It’s not easy running a business when you suffer from anxiety, depression and traits of borderline personality disorder!

 
What motivates you to keep what you're doing?

 

My mental health and the recent passing of my father have opened my eyes up to the need to living a life of fulfilment and the importance of being happy in your career. And my complete and utter infatuation with fashion photography, that feeling you get when you create a BEAUTIFUL new image that you just want to share with the world – it’s just bliss!

Who do you look up to within your industry and why?

I look up to a number of people around me – predominantly my direct circle of contacts, they keep me going and support me when necessary. It is important to surround yourself with positive and honest people, ESPECIALLY in the fashion world. I don’t think there is anyone I would single out in particular but having a good network of supportive contacts is key.

With the stunning Hannah Owen

Rate how happy you are with what you do out of 100:

10281924793846210q93812-03912-=0949023748. ALL THE HAPPY.

Is there much career progression available to you?

So much. You can never stop learning and progressing. I’m just so excited for what the next few years will bring – this is just the start!

Do you think you'll continue doing this for the rest of your life?

FOREVER AND ALWAYS. It is my life, if I didn’t have my business, photography, fashion photography… I just don’t know where I would be right now, but it wouldn’t be a happy place that’s for sure!

 Would like to thank Elspeth SO SO much (and you will be seeing lots of her and Wonderland soon!) for her openess and honesty. I reccommend you check out her work especially if you're in the midlands, even if not! If you're are suffering from any kind of mental illness she is such a inspiring, honest person and I urge you to do so. Elspeth is unique in this, that she admits when she has 'dark days' or is suffering, and that to me makes her all the more real, she doesn't sugar coat or bullshit. 

All photographs taken with permission from Elspeth's website. 

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