The Dreaded Drunk Text

Since my decision to go t-total for a while, the biggest thing that has made me happy is the fact I can and do no longer drunk text people. I am NOTORIOUS for it, especially to people who I really shouldn't be texting, especially when drunk. Over time I have come up with a few tactics to try and move forward from the night before when you clicked send once (or fifteen times depending on whether they replied, or maybe they did?) Here is what I have learnt!

What you say: “Sorry for last night I was really drunk and had no idea what I was saying.” Translation: I know exactly what I was at least trying to say, definitely meant it, and there’s a 97% chance it will happen again.

What you say: “Whoops I think I text everyone in my phone last night.” Translation: I text you and you alone last night, because I wanted to talk to you but by telling you it was everyone I will feel much better. 

What you say: “I really didn’t mean to say those things, I would never say them if I wasn’t drinking, you know that.” Translation: We both know I probably would.

What you say: “Look sorry for what I said last night, I don’t really feel that way about you, I’m actually over it, and doing fine.” Translation:  I’ve been waiting for a good weak drunk moment to spill my heart to you so I could regret it and knowingly feel worse after.

What you say: “Sorry for being a bitch last night.. You’re not really an asshole.”   Translation: you are an asshole.

I know it is a bit cliche but I do think deep, deep down we do say what is on our minds when drunk, sometimes we just cannot help ourselves. We grab that wine bottle, drink away our feelings, pick up the phone and go on some cryptic mission saying things we really shouldn't be saying, to people we really shouldn't be saying them to! It happens to the best of us. 

But then again, maybe sometimes when you send that 'I have a huge crush on you text' and the don't ignore it - then maybe it's the start of something? and if they do ignore it? well it's possibly the final kick you need to move on. Yes, life is easier and more coherent when we say what we want to say (and mean) when sober, but where is the fun in that?